My wife of forty-five years was lying there on the bed. I was resting in the reclining chair right next to her. She had taken a turn for the worse, with only days to live.
I wasn't going to let her die alone. I promised her from the day we were married that I'd be by her side, till death us do part. The extended care unit of the hospital told me I should go home and get some sleep, but I let them know I wasn't going anywhere; I was staying with Mary.
Mary is and has always been the love of my life and the most wonderful person on God's green earth.
"Love is like a dyin' ember
Only memories remain
Through the ages I'll remember
Blue eyes cryin' in the rain"
I first remember meeting Mary way back in high school so many years ago. She was a cheerleader and a choir member. In the yearbook, she was 'Miss Congeniality', and she deserved it. She was even the homecoming queen our senior year.
Everyone thought the world of her. I believe half the guys in school had a crush on her. She did date a couple of the football players. Mark always said she was his girl, which kept most of the guys from asking her out.
Mark was the quarterback, like that's some kind of surprise. It seems all the cheerleaders liked quarterbacks. He fit the picture of what everyone imagines for that position; tall, handsome and muscular from working out all the time. I guess he was a decent guy, but to me he seemed a bit cocky.
Now Mary had it all, looks, personality and a smile that would make every guy smile back and wish he could be with her. Some people would say they made a perfect couple, all but me of course. With me, it was love at first sight with Mary. She was the kind of girl you dreamed of but could never have.
A little about me. My name is John and everyone knew me as a troublemaker. I got in a number of fights at other schools so my parents moved to the suburbs to help me get into another one. I only went to Eastmoor High my senior year.
I was always quick tempered and reacted too soon. I had a few friends but mostly kept to myself. My parents told me to try and not get into any more fights. I just had to get through my senior year and then would enlist in the army. I had to keep my nose clean if I expected them to accept me. At least that's what I was told at the enlistment center.
I didn't play sports in school. I guess I was too busy getting in trouble. I met Mary the first day of school. She was walking down the hall with two other girls and I couldn't take my eyes off her for some ungodly reason. She looked at me and smiled.
"Hi, I'm Mary. Welcome to Eastmoor High." As I mentioned, her smile would brighten up a room.
"Hi to you too. I'm John, John Davis. Glad to meet you."
She introduced her two friends and then they headed down the hall. I swear a lightening bolt struck me right there. I'd had feelings for girls before but never like this.
I went into our homeroom where we had to sit in alphabetical order. I couldn't believe it. The old coot of a teacher treated us like kids.
"Please sit down when your name is called," he said.
I glanced around the room and saw Mary talking to a guy who I later found out was Mark. I already felt jealous; what was the matter with me?
"Mary Darling."
I watched as Mary took a seat. Darling, her name fit her like a glove.
"John Davis."
I was surprised that I would be spending homeroom every day sitting next to Mary. Maybe this seating arrangement wasn't so bad after all.
I talked to Mary every day. I didn't know a better way to start one either. We just talked about things in general. That's how I found out all about her. When I asked her out, she told me she had a very busy schedule and was sorry but that she was seeing someone, that being Mark. I remember telling her I wouldn't give up on her.
I took up jogging to help keep in shape since I was going to join the service after graduation. I ran past the school every day just so I could see Mary practicing her cheers. Whenever she saw me, she gave me that beautiful smile.
I did my best to stay out of trouble and keep my nose clean and grades up. I asked Mary out a number of times but she'd always say she was sorry, she couldn't. Sometimes she even looked sad when she said it.
I had some friends in school, both male and female. We hung out at the local burger joint but I guess we weren't part of the so called 'cool group'. Most had brains and belonged to the band and other clubs, but not sports.
Some were dating each other, which was nice. They all knew I had a crush on Mary but did their best not to talk about her and Mark. I went out with them as a group but not single dates. The girls in our group were all pretty and nice but they weren't Mary and I wasn't about to use my friends.
I didn't go to the prom. The only girl I wanted to take was Mary and of course, she was going with Mark. A couple of weeks later, a few of us went to one of the local dances.
It wasn't bad and I was having a pretty good time until Mark and Mary showed up. I walked over and asked Mary to dance.
"I don't think so," spouted off Mark.
I ignored him and asked Mary again. She looked over at Mark and said, "Why are you like that? John's my friend and I'll dance with him if I want to." I never saw her like that before but I think she was quite mad at Mark.
"I'd love to dance with you John," she said and smiled. She stood up and we went out to the dance floor.
"I'm sorry if I caused a problem between you and Mark."
"He has no right to tell me who I can and can't dance with," replied Mary.
I held her close and sort of hugged her. "Mary, whatever happens in the future I want you to know that I really like you."
"I kind of like you too John," she said and gave me that smile again.
We didn't say anything else as I thanked her for the dance and walked her back to her seat. Mark remained silent but I could tell he was fuming. I went back to where my friends were, and soon we all left.
It was a couple of days later when I was leaving school that Mark and a couple of his friends accosted me. "Stay the fuck away from Mary. Next time I won't be just talking. She's my girl."
I stared at him for a few seconds. "Listen Mark, I'm not the least bit afraid of you. Any time you want to have it out, let me know. Of course, if you're afraid and need two guys to help you, I'll probably get my ass kicked, but it shows what kind of a wimp you are. As for Mary, I'm going to marry her."
I have no idea why I said it. The words came out of nowhere, I swear. I was ready for Mark to come out swinging at me but instead, he and his buddies starting laughing.
"Just stay the fuck away from her, understand?" Mark said as they walked away.
I couldn't believe this shit. One week of school to go and the asshole wanted to start trouble with me. I really couldn't afford to lose it all now so I did stay away from Mary. I only said hi to her in the morning, not much more. Mark smirked, but he had no idea that I just had to make it through graduation.
My parents were proud of me on graduation day. It was nice seeing them happy knowing I had finally made it. All the classmates were hugging and kissing each other on the cheek. Hell, all the cheerleaders gave me a hug.
Just then, I looked up and saw Mary. I took her in my arms, hugged and then kissed her. I mean a real lovers kiss with all the feelings. The odd part was she didn't pull away, even when I kissed her again. When we broke apart, she had tears in her eyes as she went to hug other friends. I stood there wondering what could have been.
Afterward, my family had a nice gathering of people and a small party for me. The following week I would be leaving for basic training. It was now time to go forward with my life.
I went to jog one evening and there stood Mark and his two friends. What the fuck did they want now? School was over.
"I saw how you kissed Mary and now you're going to pay the price," said Mark.
"Is it going to be one on one or three on one?" I asked.
Mark stepped forward and took a boxing stance. For the time being, his two buddies just stood back.
"Mark, you don't want to do this. It's over, I'm leaving for the service tomorrow. Besides, I fight dirty and I'll beat the living crap out of you."
"So, you're a fucking chicken too," he said and laughed.
That was the wrong thing to say to me. Lowering my body, I kicked Mark below the right kneecap and heard something crack. He went down with a thump and I kicked him three more times. His buddies started to come forward when I said, "Do you really want in on this? It's your choice."
I stood up and left Mark sprawled out, crying on the ground. One of his friends went inside to call 911 while the other stayed with him. I left and went home.
About an hour later, the police were at my house. I told them exactly what happened and they said that Mark's friends said the same thing. I guess they figured the truth was easier to tell than a lie. Besides, it could have been three on one and that would have been hard to explain.
Mark's leg was broken. He wouldn't be playing college football this year. A small college accepted him to play but he only had gotten a partial scholarship so he would still attend college. I felt bad for him, but I gave him a choice.
I tried calling Mary before I left for the service. Her parents said that she wasn't home but would leave her a message that I called. I wanted to apologize for the fight with Mark and to tell her I would miss her.
*****
Now, as I sat there looking at Mary, I couldn't help having tears in my eyes. She had been sick for over a year, constantly getting worse. It got to a point where I had to put her in a nursing home because I was just unable to give her the proper care.
She always told me, "Don't worry John. Everything will be all right. God never gives us more than we can handle if we believe in him."
You see, Mary was the religious one, always looking on the bright side. She went to church quite regular and brought up the kids in a Christian home. She would always scold me when I would swear but she just had a way of saying it that I could never be mad at her.
She has been in the nursing home for the last three months. I would get myself up every morning, eat breakfast and then head over there to spend the day with Mary. She was my love, my life.
She had come down with pneumonia and then had trouble breathing. I know she developed some type of lung or respiratory ailment where she needed to be on a respirator most of the time. After that, she started losing her memory. God, I couldn't believe how fast she went downhill. The doctors diagnosed her with Alzheimer's disease, as I suspected.
Some days her memory was good; on others, she didn't even recognize me or the kids, though they weren't really kids anymore. All three were married with families of their own.
Our two daughters Donna and Kimberly both lived in our area. They stopped in almost daily to see their mother. On the days that she knew them, they would stay a little longer. Our son Mike lived in Michigan but came home as often as he could to see his mom. Damn, we raised some great kids.
They knew they could always find me near their mom. They often told me I shouldn't spend so much time at the nursing home but I wanted to be where Mary was.
She still had that beautiful smile that I knew so well. She always asked me to tell her how we met and about our kids and now grandkids. Even the days she couldn't remember she would still smile when I told her the different stories.
"In the twilight glow I see them
Blue eyes cryin' in the rain
When we kissed goodbye and parted
I knew we'd never meet again"
****
Mary nodded at me, her way of telling me to go on with our story. After graduation, I entered the military. When I finished basic training, I spent a year in the states and three years overseas. I made one trip home after basic training to see my family. I went to see Mary but her parents told me she was away at college.
I was saddened but I knew life would go on. I was a good soldier and made it to the rank of sergeant before my discharge. I guess I sowed my wild oats, as my dad would say. I fell for a couple of women while overseas, but it was more about the sex than true love.
Luckily, I had the smarts not to get very serious and marry someone for the wrong reason. Many of the women wanted to come to the United States. They'd do just about anything to become a soldier's wife
I don't know how many times I laid on my bunk and thought about Mary and what she might be doing. For some reason I believe thinking of her helped get me through the rough times. I can't explain it. Mary later told me that she often prayed for me and God answered her prayers
I received letters regularly from home but my parents didn't really know Mary or her parents. I thought about writing her but I wasn't sure where to send it to or if she would want to hear from me. The last thing I remember about Mary was the kiss at our graduation.
I remember when I came home my dad met me at the airport and looked so proud of me. I was just glad to be home. It all took place during the Vietnam War era, and people had divided opinions on it all over the country.
After returning home, my dad got me a job at the auto factory. It was a good paying job and eventually I became a pipe fitter at the plant. I needed to go to school part time to get my Journeyman card but it would be worth it.
I was home for about a week when I went over to where Mary lived. Her parents had moved three years before and the new homeowners said they didn't have a forwarding address. When I asked them about Mary, they told me they didn't know anything about the family. I thanked them and went home.
About six months had passed with me working the second shift and going to school during the day. One day an invitation came for our five-year class reunion. Normally I wouldn't have gone to it but I had to wonder about Mary. Since she was the most popular girl in school, I figured she would probably attend.
I had to wonder what she would look like and if she might have even gotten married. After returning the reply saying that I would attend, I had second thoughts. I might be building myself up for another fall. My mom told me to just go and enjoy myself; I'd earned that right
*****
As I was telling Mary our story, I noticed she'd fallen asleep. I laughed and gave her a kiss on the forehead and went back to working my crossword puzzles. I would always turn the TV on to Mary's soaps while I did them. I never did understand what she saw in them but she was a regular viewer. We've been doing this for God knows how many years and I wasn't about to change our lifestyle now.
Donna and Kim came at lunchtime and stayed with Mary while she ate. It gave me some time to go home and take care of a few things like getting the mail and cutting the grass. After cleaning up, I was back a couple of hours later to be with Mary.
Mary told me our daughters had just left knowing I'd be back, then she asked me to tell her about finding each other at the reunion. I know I've told her this story a hundred times but like most old guys I have a tendency of repeating myself and it was great to have a wife willing to listen to me.
I picked up my story, saying how I wasn't sure whether to go to the reunion. I didn't know whether Mary would be there and if she would even remember me. Then there was a good chance that she might already be married.
That night, I parked my vehicle and entered the hall. I couldn't believe how many people were there.
I went to one of the tables where a woman was sitting.
"What year?"
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," I replied.
"Oh, this year we tried something new. This reunion is a five-year for those graduating in 1959 and ten years for those graduating in 1954. We figured it would be a much bigger turnout," she said as she smiled to me.
"I'm with the 1959 group," I said politely.
"That would be the table on the other side of the doorway." She glanced at the woman at the other table and said, "Emmy, another one for you and he's a looker." She winked at me as she spoke.
I was a bit embarrassed as I went to Emmy's table.
"Hi, I'm Emmy Harman. Gregg is my married name. I'm sorry but I can't remember your name."
"It's okay. I only attended my senior year. I'm not exactly a known commodity. John Davis and I'm happy to meet you Emmy."
"I'm sorry for forgetting your name but I do remember those beautiful blue eyes of yours," Emmy said and grinned.
"Thank you," I replied. "What do I do next?"
"Find the welcome packet with your nametag on it. Wear the tag for those who might not remember you. All the married women have both their maiden and married names on them. Again, welcome to the reunion and I hope you have a wonderful time."
As I got my packet, I looked for any that might have said Mary Darling on it. They were in alphabetical order but there were several empty spaces on the table already. I put on my nametag and walked around a little, seeing if Mary might have shown up.
I felt a tap on the shoulder and turned to see one of my friends, Stan.
"Hey John, I thought it was you signing in. How's it been? I heard the army finally discharged you. Come on over and meet my wife."
I walked over and met his wife June. A few of the group I hung around with back then were standing there too, so they introduced their spouses and dates.
For the next ten minutes, everybody talked about what they'd done the last five years. All the time they did, I was wondering if I should mention Mary. Maybe someone would know if she was here. I don't think any of them ever knew the depth of my high school crush. Even though I was trying to be attentive, I was glancing around the room in hopes of seeing Mary.
After a few more minutes, I excused myself to get a beverage, telling them that I would see them all later. As I was sipping a beer, I looked up and saw another group of people standing together. There were three women and two men. I was sure one was Mary even though I only had a side glimpse of her. She was between the two men.
The tall fellow had his back to me and I had no idea who he might be. I could see the other's face. It was Mark. My heart fell into my stomach. Just then, Emmy approached me.
That's when I remembered that Emmy was like the gossip center in high school. She seemed to know just about everything about everyone.
"Wow!" said Emmy. "They make a great couple don't they? Everyone was so surprised when they got married last year, especially after Mark broke his leg right after graduation. They ended up both going to the community college and the next thing you know, they were a couple."
Even though it was hard for me to talk, I knew I had to reply. "What's the big surprise? They dated in high school."